Saturday, November 2, 2013

“Minimalism is a Philosophy.” – The Minimalist Boyfriend

My fairly old friend/fairly new boyfriend, Ryan, adopted a minimalist lifestyle a couple years ago. As a close friend I supported him on his decision and I agree with the majority of the philosophy behind his ideals. As a girlfriend I’m freaking out. He aims to live an enriched life where he can find happiness with the few things that he has and the activities that he enjoys doing. I have a closet that has more clothes in it now than he’s probably owned in the past ten years and I’ve only begun to climb out of my monotonous life hole… How long can I go with curling up on the couch to watch my TV when I have a moment of free time alone or subtly closing the closet door before he comes over? He is not a person to place judgment on me, but that’s not to say that I don’t fear it or judge myself.

While I’ve never been a materialistic person, I do buy things that some people might not consider necessary. I enjoy clothing and shoes, I will buy kitchen gadgets that I know will only be used once, and I happen to have a spare mattress that is lying on the floor in my second bedroom surrounded by items that I haven’t used in years. I have strong memories attached to so many things that it’s hard for me to part with anything. I keep shoeboxes in my closet filled with various items that open my brain back up to that moment where I encountered it for the first time. I look forward to going through the boxes in later years to relive my youth. However, my boyfriend’s last box of mementos were converted into digital photographs and stored neatly away on one of his most prized possessions, his computer.

Seeing how easy it was for him to still keep that part of his life yet in a different and more convenient format makes me question my own methods. Do I really need to physically hold an object to feel like I’m in that moment again? Or am I just grasping for a reason to keep it? Am I a closet hoarder?! (As in I keep my hoarding hidden, not that I hoard closets. Although I do love a good closet…) Ryan invites me to reconsider what I NEED in my life rather than what I WANT or what I THINK will make me happy. While he is very good at not overly pushing his points onto me or others, he does remind me that I should be constantly thinking about where I decide to put my energy.

I pride myself on being exceptionally attached to my friends and family. They are the center of my world and I know that the majority of my energy is put into making them happy and constantly feel loved. I like to hope that this habit is ingrained in me after 27 years. That I’m giving my energy to the people I love rather than the “things” surrounding me. This feels like a huge first step! These are people! These are the things that I need! Empty the closet, give away all my furniture, burn down the apartment, and free my burdened soul of these possessions that don’t make up who I am!

But wait… I need at least a bed. And some of those clothes. And an apartment for my pets and myself to live. Crap. I guess it doesn’t happen that fast or to an extent that extreme. That’s just some of what I’ve been able to absorb from him thus far. It’s not just about eliminating everything and trying to live with barely anything. It’s about appreciating life with less, or even with what you have and not craving more “stuff”. Finding out that happiness isn’t going to suddenly fly into your life with that new pair of heels or with a shiny new car. The ability to be happy is something that you have already within yourself and that’s what we should be buying into.

Knowing that I’m happy when I make others happy – That’s a step forward. Now I have to take a small step back and reassess the materials and thoughts that might be weighing me down. Or why I’m so reliant on others to make me happy instead of knowing how to be content alone. I even started a blog that reflected off of me onto Ryan because it’s easier to focus on another instead of myself. Now it sounds like a bigger step backwards. This is when I open my ears and heart and let my wise friend/wise boyfriend guide me towards the next step. Realistically, I know that I’m not going to suddenly own nothing and become one with myself and of just being. But I’m certainly in line behind all the other people in my minimalist boyfriend’s life that are willing to learn more about what this world could offer and what we could offer back.

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